Tuesday, January 15, 2008

A conversation with a 3-year-old

I'm pulling out a bottle of cranberry juice from my refrigerator to pour a glass for lunch. This is the first lunch that my Friday friend and I have had since mid-December. He's asking me what the bottle is, and I am telling him that it is cranberry juice and that grandpa thinks it's yucky. 

“Well dat not very nice of him,” the 3-year-old tells me.

Surprised, I laugh and agree, asking my young friend if he would like to have a taste of it. He considers it for only a second. “No, I already hab juice.” 

A clear definite no if ever there was one. Apparently, while he considers his grandfather's pronouncement on my juice not very nice, he also considers it very true. I missed the little guy!

Until Next Time ... Note this post first published online, January 15, 2008, at Desktop Genealogist Blog at The News-Messenger Online http://www.thenews-messenger.com/apps/pbcs.dll/section?Category=BLOGS02

© 15 January 2008, Desktop Genealogist Unplugged, Teresa L. Snyder 

Thursday, January 10, 2008

An Unintentional Stirring of the Pot — My Response

Note: Terry Thornton of “Hill Country of Monroe County, Mississippi” did a blog post about my two-part essay on “Finding Grandpa's Grave.” His post, and by extension mine, hit a nerve with one of Terry's genealogical friends. The friend had “spent all weekend brooding over this topic.” Terry posted a wonderful and eloquent answer to his friend's intense response. In order to understand my own response you will want to read Terry's original post along with his comments at the following link: http://hillcountryofmonroecountry.blogspot.com/2008/01/putting-together-fractured-family.html. 

Terry sent me an FYI letting me know about his update. Having read what the friend had said, I went to bed last night with the friend's words and thoughts dancing in my head. This morning, I got up before work and wrote Terry a quick note with my thoughts. Terry has encouraged me to find a way to work this into a post. The following is a cleaned up, expanded version of what I first wrote — Terry:

I once worked in an office with a young friend who never had a headache. Being someone who has been tortured with headaches all of my life, never having a headache was difficult for me to fathom. My young friend would ask me to tell her what the headache felt like. She would say she wished for a headache just once, so she would know first hand how it felt. (Luckily, for her, we worked in an office and not a lumberyard. If a two-by-four had been handy, I might have felt the need to oblige her.) My friend, had no frame of reference, so no matter how hard I tried to describe a headache, the words would fall flat. I try to remember this whenever someone talks of things that I have no frame of reference for either. 

.My three siblings and I had very normal, very happy childhoods. So, while I would never be able to understand exactly the circumstances that caused Terry's friend to brood all weekend on this topic, as a fellow traveler on this road of life, I can be sympathetic and compassionate to his intense response. Both of my parents come from divorced homes.

 In my father's case, he is the first in four generations to complete the task of fatherhood. His great-grandfather had a leg amputated in the Civil War, and lived much of the rest of his life in continuous pain. He died when my father's grandfather was 14 or 15. My father's grandfather was 39 when he died — grandpa was only 6. (Grandpa had lost his mother 3 years earlier to consumption). And of course, for those of you who read this blog, you already know grandpa's story. 

I have always loved and admired my father, but it wasn't until I started delving into our family history that I realized what a quiet hero my dad is. How he figured out what it was to be a father, I will never completely understand though it didn't hurt that he married a wise woman. Dad not only figured it out, but he has done the job very well. Because of my dad and mother, my siblings and I had the best of childhoods. But, even with the best of childhoods, my siblings and I still each have flaws, still each have our own inner demons. It is the nature of life.

As I have said before, I believe there are evil individuals and I believe there are saints. Most of us live in the gray area between. Each of us does the best that we can, given the hand that we are dealt. Sometimes we make mistakes and sometimes we get it just right. Sometimes we soar and sometimes we crash, but most of the time we trudge — trudge, trudge, trudge. Without applause and only the occasional sympathetic hand, there is something almost noble in the way human beings keep putting one foot in front of the other. I hope that gives Terry's friend and anyone else for whom our posts stirred up unsettled feelings, some peace of mind. This is me, then, trudging. 

Until Next Time …

Note this post first published online, January 10, 2008, at Desktop Genealogist Blog at The News-Messenger Online http://www.thenews-messenger.com/apps/pbcs.dll/section?Category=BLOGS02

©10 January 2008, Desktop Genealogist Unplugged, Teresa L. Snyder 

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Dumb Genealogical Mistakes I Have Made — Elmer/Elmore

I'm inaugurating a new type of blog post where I confess my past (or sometimes current) sins that I have made while researching my family tree. I know, nobody else has EVER made a dumb genealogical mistake. Or if they have, they are not masochistic enough to expose their sin to the whole world. Makes you wonder about my early potty training, right?

When I first started working on my family history, our family had been told that one of my paternal great-grandfathers was one Elmer Smathers. We knew that he had lived in the Jackson/Vinton/Athens county area of southern Ohio. I became extremely diligent in trying to find “our” Elmer. I was so diligent that I found two. I first found him in the 1910 census with his wife and four children listed as Elmer Smathers — his children, his wife all matched the known data. I found only one Elmer in the 1900 census, and I found the two Elmers in the 1880 census. 

El-MER Smathers was the son of Reuben Smathers and El-MORE Smathers was the son of Henry Smathers. I would later learn that the two were cousins. Because Elmer's name was spelled correctly, I concluded that the son of Reuben was “my” Elmer, the Elmer of the 1910 census. Even when I found a list indicating that this Elmer had died in February of 1910, I rationalized that the family had a reason for pretending he was still alive in the 1910 census. 

I imagined several scenarios. Maybe he had to be alive so the family could retain their mining company housing. Maybe he had simply disappeared one day and they didn't know that he had died. Maybe the census taker had interviewed a neighbor who didn't know of Elmer's death. I wove a lovely coat of improbable explanations as I stubbornly clung to my initial conclusion. 

Hey, I had invested a lot of time into Elmer being THE ONE, he wasn't going to get away that easily. It wasn't until I actually received his death certificate from the Ohio Historical Society that said El-mer was SINGLE, that I reconsidered my stubborn insistence that Reuben's Elmer was THE ONE. Even when I accepted that this was not the correct Elmer, I was insistent that Elmore could not be correct. The spelling, the spelling I kept repeating. 

If my mother, who is much wiser, hadn't written for the other Elmer's death certificate, which instead of being in the Jackson/Vinton/Athens county area as expected, was found in Lucas County of all places, I might have thrown up my arms in defeat. But my mother wrote for the death certificate, and when she finally received it, the information turned out to be for “our” Elmer. It also answered a couple of questions, and in hindsight, made perfect sense. 

The moral of the story is spelling, schmelling You can't chip away at facts to make them fit. All you can do is keep an open mind and follow where the genealogical trail leads. You can waste a whole lot of time and energy clinging to a beloved but erroneous theory. And if that isn't enough of a moral for you, try this — Momma always knows best! 

Until Next Time — Happy Ancestral Digging!

Note this post first published online, January 9, 2008, at Desktop Genealogist Blog at The News-Messenger Online http://www.thenews-messenger.com/apps/pbcs.dll/section?Category=BLOGS02

© 9 January 2008, Desktop Genealogist Unplanned, Teresa L. Snyder 

Monday, January 7, 2008

Genealogical happenings

THE DESKTOP GENEALOGIST DESIGNATED A HOGS BLOGGER 

Let me just let that sink in a little bit. Yep, that's right, this blog is now listed as one of the H.O.G.S. Blogger's on Terry Thornton's HILL COUNTRY OF MONROE COUNTY Blog (http://hillcountryofmonroecountry.blogspot.com/). There's a cool emblem and everything! (You can see the emblem here http://hillcountryofmonroecountry.blogspot.com/2008/01/hogs-blogger.html.

Terry explains that HOGS stands for History, Observations, Genealogy, and Stories. Terry has summed it up perfectly because that's exactly what I write, although I might not have come up with that particular acronym. However, I can tell you that I am very pleased to be considered part of the HOGS network, and feel honored to be in such esteemed company. Thanks, Terry, for including me! Terry also wrote a nice piece about my two-part essay on “Finding Grandpa's Grave.” I am very humbled by his kind words. Thanks Terry.

Thanks also to Randy Seaver of GENEA-MUSINGS who named those same pieces in his “Best of the Genea-Blogs: 30 December 2007 to 5 January 2008” (http://randysmusings.blogspot.com/2008/01/best-of-genea-blogs-30-december-2007-to.html) Randy routinely puts together a weekly list of interesting posts. I am happy to be in the company of some very well-written pieces.


DNA AND GENEALOGY

To paraphrase Prissy from “Gone With The Wind” — I don't know nothin' about no DNA. When it comes to anything scientific, there seems to be a black hole in the center of my brain where all scientific expressions and explanations go immediately upon my hearing them. Not to worry, Blaine Bettinger of The Genetic Genealogist (http://www.thegeneticgenealogist.com/), posts on this very topic, and he has kindly divided his archives into categories.

One of the categories, DNA for Newbies, must have been written just for me (or maybe, you). If that isn't enough to wet your appetite, Blaine is running a contest and the prize is a FREE genetic test. If you want to check out the details go to http://www.thegeneticgenealogist.com/2008/01/04/win-a-free-genetic-genealogy-test-from-the-genetic-genealogist/

Until Next Time — GO BUCKS! 

Note this post first published online, January 7, 2008, at Desktop Genealogist Blog at The News-Messenger Online http://www.thenews-messenger.com/apps/pbcs.dll/section?Category=BLOGS02

© 7 January 2008, Desktop Genealogist Unplugged, Teresa L. Snyder 

Friday, January 4, 2008

Grandpa's Final Resting Place — Part Two

If you have worked on your own genealogy for any length of time, you know that tracking the females in the family create more challenges than tracking down the males. Marriage is the chief culprit here — every time a female marries, you have to start anew picking up the trail. So, trying to find my father's half sisters seemed daunting. As I tried to formulate a strategy, I decided since the sexton had given me the dates of death of grandpa's second wife and my half-uncle, I would once again request obituaries to see if I could pick up further clues. My uncle's obituary gave me the clues I needed to find one of the aunts.

Here, in the interest of protecting the privacy of both of my half-aunts, I am going to be purposely vague. I can tell you that the clue was sufficient enough for me, with some specialized help, to make a few calls to track down a phone number for the older of the two aunts. Again, each new nugget of information was passed along to my dad, and together we would decide the next step. 

As it turned out, this aunt had lived in different parts of the U.S. but at that very moment was living in Toledo and not far from where we now knew grandpa was buried. What to do? Dad and I discussed at length whether or not we should initiate contact. After all, we didn't know if dad's half sister knew that she had older half siblings. We didn't want her to think we wanted anything from her but the communication of one half sibling to another, no strings attached. It was decided that I would make contact with her, explain the situation, and give her information about my dad, along with his phone number and address. She could decide if she wanted to pursue communication with him.

On a Sunday night in November of 1995, I made the call. It took me several attempts at dialing before I finally had the courage to complete the phone call. I had a few weeks to get my head wrapped around the idea of having a half-aunt. Considering the fact that my call came without any warning to her, my newfound aunt handled the phone call extremely well. I told her who I was, and that I was calling on behalf of my father, who was interested in connecting with her. I gave her bits and pieces of dad's life, partly because I wanted to give her the sense of what a wonderful person my dad is, and partly to alleviate any concern by her that her newfound relatives had ulterior motives for the sudden communication. Then I let her know that this was the only contact we would be initiating with her, and that if she wanted to get in touch with dad, it was completely at her discretion. I gave her dad's name, phone number and address and let her know that he would be taking an extended vacation after the first of the year, and wouldn't be back until late Spring. 

I don't remember how long a period of time went by, it could have been weeks. But one evening dad came over to my house excited because he and his half sister had connected. The following year, when my parents came back to Ohio, the three of us went to meet his sister. When she opened the door, I knew instantly it was my half aunt. She reminded me of one of my dad's sisters. As a child, I adored this particular aunt, and seeing the resemblance made me feel instantly at ease with dad's “new” sister. 

We talked at length, shared stories and pictures. Her memories of her father were warm and nice, and she gave us a mental picture of grandpa that we had not been blessed with previously. The visit was wonderful. At the end, my new aunt pointed us to the cemetery and gave the three of us a general idea of where to look for grandpa's grave. We fanned out looking for the tombstone, and quite a bit of time passed before I reached down and brushed away the grass clippings form the top of one of the marker's. There, amid stray bits of grass, was my grandfather's name. 

It had taken our branch of the family 50 years, but that day we finally paid our respects to grandpa. My dad and his half sister still are in contact. They are the only two of Grandpa's twin families that are in touch.

As for my grandfather, I think that there are evil individuals and I think there are saints. My grandfather, like most of us, lived in the gray area between. He lived his life the best that he could, given the hand he was dealt. Sometimes he made mistakes and sometimes he got it just right. He chose two good, strong women to mother and raise his children, and the world is a little bit better because he did. Finding Grandpa's final resting place and meeting an unknown aunt were my “greatest genealogical finds ever” and it happened BG (before genealogy). 

Until Next Time — Happy Ancestral Digging! 

Note this post first published online, January 4, 2008, at Desktop Genealogist Blog at The News-Messenger Online http://www.thenews-messenger.com/apps/pbcs.dll/section?Category=BLOGS02

© 4 January 2008, Desktop Genealogist Unplanned, Teresa L. Snyder 

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Grandpa's Final Resting Place — Part One

(Note: Craig Manson of “Geneablogie” wrote a post on December 31 titled, “The Greatest Genealogical Find Ever …,” which you can read at his new blog Web site. The link for the post is http://blog.geneablogie.net/2007/12/greatest-genealogical-find-ever.html. (My real wish for 2008 would be that I could use hyperlinks like everybody else!) He challenged his readers with the question, “What is your version of the greatest genealogical find ever?” Below is part one of my answer.) 

My grandfather died of a burst appendix at the age of 36. My dad was 13 at the time, and because his parents went through a very miserable divorce, my dad hadn't seen or talked to his father for a great many years. Off and on, the subject of where grandpa was buried would come up. We knew he had been living in Toledo at the time of his death, and we had made half-hearted attempts to locate his grave without success. At the time, November 1995 — five years BG (before genealogy), I knew nothing about death certificates — as for instance, they often contain the name of the cemetery where the deceased is buried. But I did know that obituaries sometimes included burial information. 

So, I called the information line at the Toledo Lucas County Library and explained that I was searching for the obituary of my grandfather. After being transferred to the correct department, they told me they did have my grandfather's obituary and for a small fee, they would fax it to our own Birchard Public Library. When I got the call that the obituary had been faxed, I drove immediately to Birchard Library. 

Unfortunately, it did not give the name of the cemetery where grandpa was buried. Had I been more experienced, I would have realized that the name of the funeral parlor, which the obituary did provide, offered another avenue of information. However, I remembered the story that grandpa had remarried and had four children with his second wife, and that one of the children had sadly died an accidental death. I knew the approximate year, but I did not have his name. I called the Toledo Lucas County Library once again. They were reluctant at first to help me with so little information to go on, so I explained what I was trying to do, and the very nice woman on the other end of the line agreed to help me. This unknown angel found the correct obituary and once again faxed it to Birchard Public Library. 

 This time the cemetery was listed. I reasoned that there was a good probability that the boy and the father would have been buried in the same cemetery. Also included in the obituary were the names of my Dad's half brothers and sisters. In addition to the boy who was deceased, there was one more brother and two sisters. I knew these other siblings existed, but somehow seeing their names, they were suddenly real people to me. 

Another idea was beginning to take shape. What if I could find one of these half siblings? I called my Dad, telling him what I had found. I told him I would be calling the cemetery to see if they had his father listed. I also told him the names of his half siblings, just to test the waters. I didn't want to do anything my father didn't feel comfortable with, and I didn't want to get any of his hopes up, so I said nothing about my idea of possibly looking for one or more of his half siblings . He seemed interested in knowing his half siblings’ names. He repeated the names back to me to be sure he had the names correct and then gave me his blessing to call the cemetery to see if I could find his dad's grave. 

 I was ecstatic when the sexton said he indeed had my grandfather's grave listed. Success. Then I asked if there were any other individuals buried there with the same last name — he checked. In addition to the young boy I knew had died, he read off the name of my grandfather's second wife. This was sad, but not unexpected. Then he read off the name of my dad's other half brother. I can't begin to explain the sorrow that engulfed me when I heard the name of the second half brother. Though his death had occurred eight years earlier, for me his death occurred that day. How can you feel grief for someone you didn't know existed? I don't know, but my sorrow was real and so were my tears. I cried for myself. I cried for my father. And I cried for both uncles I had never known.

 I called to tell my dad what I had found. I could tell he too was affected by the news of his half brother's death. I asked my dad how he felt about me trying to find one or more of his half sisters. I told him I would keep him informed every step of the way, and that I wouldn't make any decisions on how to proceed without getting his permission. He gave me the green light to proceed, and I hung up the phone wondering what I should do next. 

 Tomorrow: Part 2 of “Grandpa's Final Resting Place.” Until Next Time — Happy Ancestral Digging! Note this post first published online, January 3, 2008, at Desktop Genealogist Blog at The News-Messenger Online http://www.thenews-messenger.com/apps/pbcs.dll/section?Category=BLOGS02

© 3 January 2008, Desktop Genealogist Unplugged, Teresa L. Snyder 


Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Other Voices of Genealogy

My writing style tends to be a casual, slightly irreverent style of prose. Sometimes I come off a lot more of a “smart aleck” then I intend. My fear is that when I do this that I might be casting an irreverent light on the subject of genealogy and family history, and that is certainly not my intention. I love this hobby of mine, and I have a great admiration for anyone who puts his time and effort into finding and recording his family's history.

With that in mind, I wanted to share with you some of the other voices of genealogy that you might find interesting or useful. This is by no means an all-inclusive list. These are just some of the blog posts that caught my attention, and I thought were worth passing on to you, dear reader.

Juliana Smith writes the “24/7 Family History Circle” blog. She was browsing other genealogy blogs and came across the Carnival of Genealogy's Christmas Wish edition. Her own wish had to do with organizing and the post of December 9th, http://blogs.ancestry.com/circle/?p=2108#more-2108, is definitely worth checking out if organizing is on the top of your to do list for 2008.

Randy Seaver of “Genea-musings” made it really easy for me to find his wonderful post about suggestions for beginning genealogists, when he put together his own Best of 2007 posts. His May 22 posting, “12 Suggestions for Researchers” (http://randysmusings.blogspot.com/2007/05/12-suggestions-for-researchers.html) acts both as good advice for the beginning researcher, as well as a nice reminder for those of us who have been working on our family genealogies longer. 

Denise Olsen, of the blog “Family Matters” is light years ahead of me in matters of technology. She had a very interesting post on using Skype for research matters in her December 20 posting, “Keep in Touch with Skype” http://moultriecreek.us/family/2007/12/20/keep-in-touch-with-skype/. She promises more posts on this in the New Year, and this is definitely a subject I want to know more about! 

If you haven't heard about “Evidence Explained: Citing History Sources from Artifacts to Cyberspace” by Elizabeth Shown Mills, which was published in 2007, you should definitely read the review done by Miriam Midkiff on her “AnceStories” blog. You can read her review at, http://ancestories1.blogspot.com/2007/12/evidence-explained-book-review.html. 

Becky Wiseman at “Kinexxions” found a discrepancy in dates for her fifth great-grandfather, Bela Goodrich. Unfortunately, her plight is not uncommon, and you can read all about it in her June 19 posting, “Gravestones don't lie? When did Bela die?” http://kinexxions.blogspot.com/2007/06/gravestones-dont-lie-when-did-bela-die.html. So Becky, which dates have you decided on using? 

Terry Thornton of “Hill Country of Monroe County, Mississippi,” put together a list of his favorite posts for 2007. The winner hands down for me was the one titled, “Shhhhhhhhhhhhh! Let's not talk about this …” Terry, born and bred in Mississippi, talks about his family's participation in the Civil War. It highlights one of the most tragic chapters in United States history, as well as spotlighting what a personal tragedy it was for those involved. You may think you understand the Southern view, but things are not always so clear. This is a subject close to my heart, because while all my direct ancestors fought on the Northern side of the conflict, they had cousins, nephews and uncles living in Virginia, some who fought for the confederacy and some who were Unionists. You can read this very well-written and thought-provoking piece at http://hillcountryofmonroecountry.blogspot.com/2007/08/shhhhhhhhhhhhh-lets-not-talk-about-this.html

These are just some of the other “voices” of genealogy that you might want to read. 

Until Next Time — Happy Ancestral Digging! 

Note this post first published online, January 2, 2008, at Desktop Genealogist Blog at The News-Messenger Online http://www.thenews-messenger.com/apps/pbcs.dll/section?Category=BLOGS02

© 2 January 2008, Desktop Genealogist Unplugged, Teresa L. Snyder 



Terry

Terry

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